just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
