Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
