Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
