fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He felt like a one man threesome
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
