I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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