Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
