I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
