the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I want is dick and wine.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
