I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
no, he came in my armpit
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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