Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
