I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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