My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
