sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
