Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
