Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
