is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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