mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
