South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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