So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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