I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
