Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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