Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
