sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
