Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the condom got lost in my hair
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
