Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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