Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
17 year olds will be the death of me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
