My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
