i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
