billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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