I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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