so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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