Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
