Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
