2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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