rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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