it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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