I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize