they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
