He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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