I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
