Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
