dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
