I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry about my life...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
