I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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