I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
