oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
