Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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