Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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