so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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