drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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