i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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