you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
