My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
