I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
