Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
