I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
