U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
