forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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