She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
