Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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