The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
