It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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