All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
