there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
