i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
