Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
