i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
