trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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