Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
