forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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