Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
