Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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