at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
