Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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