Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
