I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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