i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
