He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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