I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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