My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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