After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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