Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
